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The heart is deceitful above all things,

and desperately wicked; who can know it?

8/19/11 10:17 am

Phaedra: I love you.
Hippolytus: Why?
Phaedra: You're difficult. Moody, cynical, bitter, fat, decadent, spoilt. You stay in bed all day then watch TV all night, you crash around this house with sleep in your eyes and not a thought for anyone. You're in pain. I adore you.
Hippolytus: Not very logical.
Phaedra: Love isn't.

12/11/10 10:00 pm - we'll forget the tears we've cried

Thinking a lot tonight about all three of my sisters. If there is a heaven... I hope they're all there laughing and happy. And, my father too, of course... and little Zachary. I love and miss all of you so much.

7/1/10 11:28 pm

6/17/10 06:34 pm - The Doll’s Funeral

When - my - dolly - died, - when - my dolly - died, 
I - sat - on - the - step - and - I - cried - and - cried;

And I couldn't eat any jam and bread, 
'Cause it didn't seem right when my doll was dead. 
And Bridget was sorry as she could be, 
For she patted my head, and "O," said she, 
"To think that the pretty has gone and died!" 
Then I broke out afresh and I cried and cried.

And all the dollies from all around 
Came to see my dolly put under the ground; 
There was Luly Lee and Mary Clack 
Brought their dolls over, all dressed in black; 
And Emiline Hope and Sara Lou 
Came over and brought their dollies, too, 
And all the time I cried and cried, 
'Cause it hurt me so when my dolly died.

We dressed her up in a new white gown, 
With ribbons and laces all around; 
And made her a coffin in a box 
Where my brother keeps his spelling blocks; 
And we had some prayers, and a funeral, too; 
And our hymn was "The Two Little Girls in Blue." 
But for me, I only cried and cried, 
'Cause it truly hurt when my dolly died.

We dug her a grave in the violet bed, 
And planted violets at her head; 
And we raised a stone and wrote quite plain, 
"Here lies a dear doll who died of pain." 
And then my brother, said he, "Amen," 
And we all went back to the house again, 
But all the same I cried and cried, 
Because I'd a right when my doll had died.

And then we had more jam and bread, 
But I didn't eat, 'cause my doll was dead. 
But I tied some crape on my doll house door, 
And then I stood and cried some more. 
I couldn't be happy, don't you see! 
Because the funeral belonged to me. 
And then the others went home, and then 
I went out and dug up my doll again.

6/7/10 12:06 am - Black Mass

6/6/10 11:29 pm - The Process of Death

Moment of Death:
1) The heart stops
2) The skin gets tight and grey in colour
3) All the muscles relax
4) The bladder and bowels empty
5) The body’s temperature will typically drop 1.5 degrees F. per hour unless outside environment is a factor. The liver is the organ that stays warmest the longest, and this temperature is used to establish time of death if the body is found within that time frame.

After 30 minutes:
6) The skin gets purple and waxy
7) The lips, finger- and toe nails fade to a pale color or turn white as the blood leaves
8) Blood pools at the lowest parts of the body leaving a dark purple-black stain called lividity
9) The hands and feet turn blue
10) The eyes start to sink into the skull

After 4 hours:
11) Rigor mortis starts to set in
12) The purpling of the skin and pooling of blood continue
13) Rigor Mortis begins to tighten the muscles for about another 24 hours, then will reverse and the body will return to a limp state.

After 12 hours:
14) The body is in full rigor mortis.

After 24 hours:
15) The body is now the temperature of the surrounding environment
16) In males, the semen dies
17) The head and neck are now a greenish-blue color
18) The greenish-blue color continues to spread to the rest of the body
19) There is the strong smell of rotting meat
20) The face of the person is essentially no longer recognizable

After 3 days:
21) The gases in the body tissues form large blisters on the skin
22) The whole body begins to bloat and swell grotesquely. This process is speeded up if victim is in a hot environment, or in water
23) Fluids leak from the mouth, nose, eyes, ears, rectum and urinary opening

After 3 weeks:
24) The skin, hair, and nails are so loose they can be easily pulled off the corpse
25) The skin cracks and bursts open in many places because of the pressure of Internal gases and the breakdown of the skin itself
26) Decomposition will continue until body is nothing but skeletal remains, which can take as little as a month in hot climates and two months in cold climates. The teeth are often the only thing left, years and centuries later, because tooth enamel is the strongest substance in the body. The jawbone is the densest, so that usually will also remain.

5/26/10 08:47 pm


5/17/10 02:02 am - In the Gold Room

And her sweet red lips on these lips of mine
Burned like the ruby fire set
In the swinging lamp of a crimson shrine,
Or the bleeding wounds of the pomegranate,
Or the heart of the lotus drenched and wet
With the spilt-out blood of the rose-red wine.

5/7/10 11:09 pm - please...

The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing.
The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.

12/22/09 03:26 am

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December; And
each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.

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